Revamping the website - should you or shouldn't you schedule a sex date with your partner?

This blog post is an early view of another article that we'll be posting up to our soon to go live revamped website. This one explores the pro's and cons of making a sex date with your partner. It's one that attempts to help you answer the “Should you, or shouldn’t you? question as well as being a short "how to". And as usual this is one geared up pretty much just for the male readers out there. We hope you like it and that it helps you. Do let us know what you think via the comments.

Making a "sex date" with your partner can be a great way of getting more by getting her preparing for and thinking about sex with you, but is it a wise thing to do? In this article we’ll take a look at the pro’s and con’s of having a sex date, and if you decide that it is something that might work for you then we’ve got some great tips for a successful date night in our mini how-to guide. Let’s start off the article though by looking at the pro’s of sex dates...

The pro's of scheduling and having a sex date with your partner

• Well first off the main benefit to you is that you'll very likely get some sex! Brilliant!
• Secondly - scheduling in a sex date should go some way to getting you back to those early days of your relationship where you both knew that at the end of your date you would very likely get some sex. Which meant that you both anticipated for this way better, ie you both got prepared for the date way better than you do now; your partner putting on her sauciest underwear, you throwing cologne over yourself, etc. This anticipation of sex could well rejuvenate the excitement around it.
• She'll "self-prepare" for your sex date because the idea of sex with you gets firmly planted in her mind way earlier in the day, and she should get herself emotionally excited without you having to put in a huge amount of effort to put those thoughts there, let’s call this “getting sex on the brain”.
• Because of this “self-preparation”, ie just by thinking about it, her brain and body should automatically release hormones that prepare the way for a fabulously hot evening with you.
• Fifth - it might be the case that normally you both collapse into bed late at the end of a long, exhausting day and the last thing on your partners mind will be sex. But with a sex date it shouldn’t really matter how tired she is, because you've both committed to having sex and therefore...
• Sixth – you’ll both be making a conscious effort to go up to bed earlier, which is something that if you want your partner to be enjoying the experience as well then it’s certainly worth you doing if you’ve both got to get up for work the next day.
• A “sex date” is something you can diarise, and you can diarise it with some regularity, ie regularity of sex for you.
• With a sex date you are both adopting a “just do it” approach (well maybe she is, you probably don’t need much persuasion to have sex) which should work really well, especially if your partner knows that she enjoys it when she gets there but that she just needs that initial push in the right direction.
• Having a sex date gets you both remembering what is important about your sex life, and it "officially" recognises something that is (hopefully) important to both of you.
• If you aren't having enough sex at the moment then scheduling sex shouldn't make it boring, quite the opposite - it can potentially have the effect of rejuvenating your sex lives and your relationship.

The Con's of scheduling and having a sex date with your partner

• Scheduling a date for sex could kill some spontaneity in your sex life.
• Unless you put in the work your partner might not be “in the mood” enough, and she may just go through the motions with you, and therefore the sex could more than likely just be boring.
• She may not prepare for the sex date in the quite the same way she used to when you first got together for a whole variety of possible reasons, including, but certainly not limited to; time, work, commitments in the home, children and other family  members.

Okay then, so that’s the pro’s and the con’s. Now its time to have a think. Is this something that you would be happy to suggest to your partner that you schedule in? Do you think it would work for you both?

If you’ve arrived at the conclusion that it is a good idea, and that you’d like to give it a try then it’s probably worth having a read of our “Talking about sex with your partner” article here first, before you begin the conversation. Because if you haven’t tried a sex date with your partner before then suggesting one could well start up quite a frank, open and honest conversation about sex, and you’re going to want to be prepared for it.

Then having done that the following will help you on your way to a successful sex date…

How to have a successful sex date with your partner

• Firstly then – sit down with your partner and agree a time and date for your sex date that will work for you both…
• Get your diaries out and plan the date or dates in.
• This is an obvious point to make, but do try and diarise it for a time that you won't be likely to have to cancel the sex date. View your sex date as a "commitment" that you both make to each other, and hopefully, being a couple who don’t regularly break your commitments to each other, this should mean that you both go through with the date.
• Make it early enough in the evening to combat the normal issue of not getting any because you are trying to initiate sex with your partner too late in the day. Suggest that the sex date starts an hour before you normally go to bed for example.
• A morning sex date could also be something to consider?
• When you put it into your diaries you could try being inventive with how you write it in, you could make a date to, for example, “meet in the bath on Wednesday night”.
• Try "doing diaries" at the beginning of the month, sitting down together and putting your sex dates in for the entire month. And maybe also putting in a "meeting" where you re-schedule the next months' worth. This one may be a little bit too formal for most, but it’s worth a consideration at least.
• Talk about the sex date before you diarise it, perhaps to introduce the idea to your partner…
• Make sure that you are both talking about the subject honestly. Discuss with your partner what has been working right for your sex life and what still needs to be fixed. If you want more sex than you are currently getting then its worth at the very least letting your partner know this, but do it nicely and in the right way, ie no accusatory tones.
• In order for a sex date to work you both need to be honest with each other and you both need to be in agreement about a load of stuff, ie for starters you both need to be 100% behind the idea of having a sex date.
• If she seems hesitant about trying a sex date with you then it might be worth mentioning that it could be the “just do it” approach that perhaps you both need. Assuming that this is correct – you could remind your partner that she knows that she really enjoys it when she gets there but that she just needs that initial push in the right direction.
• If she still doesn’t seem that keen then you could suggest that for your first sex dates that you both start off slowly and perhaps spend the evening on foreplay only. Come to an agreement that there will be no intercourse. This is a great way to build you both up nice and slowly from a situation where there’s not been a lot of sex in a while.
• When you get to the day that your sex date is happening do all that you can to get yourselves in the mood. Try any of the tips in the relax and romance sections of Weeks 2 and 3 of The Get More Sex, Get Better Sex Course as well as these ideas…
• You need to remember that just because she's committed to your sex date it doesn’t mean you can skip all of the good stuff that you've got to do to get her in the mood.
• Sit down and catch up first, talk the day out - connect.
• Light candles and eat a delicious meal together.
• Run a bath for your partner so that she can go have a nice long soak, or perhaps both of you leap in the bath together.
• And if you do then take a bottle of something sparkly with you, offer to wash your partners back for her, dry each other down and then continue your date in the bedroom.
• Turn your bedroom into a sacred space, decorate it with candles, and get some soft music and lighting on the go. Change your sheets and make sure its smelling nice in there!
• Do also remember to keep your expectations open and reasonable for date night, those first few might not quite pan out as you hope them too. If they don’t then try a little massage, just hold each other or talk and share some fantasies.
• Having said all that its also worth remembering that it’s not just up to you to get her in the mood, its up to both of you to be helping to get each other in the mood.
• And remember that you don’t have to have penetrative sex - just being naked and close will kick start things off again. And if you haven’t had any for a while your partner may well need this bit of extra time to start getting back those all-important tingling’s of desire again.
• If you've scheduled morning sex then consider setting the alarm to wake you both up 30 minutes earlier than you do normally, that way you are "making the time" for sex, and a quickie before work will set you both up for the day wonderfully.
• Try occasionally, if money and babysitting will allow, to have a sex date out of the house, perhaps schedule a night away together, or if you can't do a night away just book into a hotel for the night anyway and use the room for an hour or two, then walk out! Do remember to pay in advance though!
• If your sex life has become dull and boring then you could try scheduling a fantasy "sex date"…
• Perhaps try putting in two fantasy appointments per month, one where you determine the fantasy, and the other where your partner does.
• The anticipation for this sort of sex date, assuming you are both ok with it, will be that bit more heightened.
• You'd want to agree the fantasy with your partner first though, just incase she really wasn’t okay with it, so if one or both of you are uncomfortable talking about it then you could always both write down your fantasies instead, and then swap notes when you’ve finished writing.
• If your partner says that she really doesn’t have any fantasies then you can of course also suggest that it doesn’t have to be a traditional fantasy, ie schoolgirl and master, but instead it could be her fantasy of a romantic evening with you, ie a romantic dinner together, taking a bath together and you drying her down afterwards, champagne, rose petals in the bath, a massage, etc.

And finally - if you absolutely have to cancel your sex date, then ensure that you re-schedule it, don't skip sex dates, whatever you do, otherwise it could signal the end for this idea working for you both.