Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Revamping the website - getting more oral sex

We're doing a total revamp of the Get More Sex, Get Better Sex website at the moment, adding articles which will be of help to men in long term relationships to get more and better sex. We thought we'd do a quick preview of a few of the articles on our blog first, for which we most definetly invite comments...

This article is called: "How to get more and better oral sex for yourself"

So you want more and better oral sex for yourself? Fair enough, who wouldn’t?! In that case let’s start with some stuff that you ought to be avoiding if you want more …
  • Firstly, and really quite obviously, don’t go shoving your partners head down towards your cock as a ‘subtle’ way of telling her to get busy! Oddly enough this really won’t work, and if it does its not going to earn you any brownie points and you really ought to be taking a good, hard look at yourself please.
  • Secondly - keep yourself clean, just as you'd expect your partner to be clean for you if she was expecting you to be giving her oral sex.
  • Third - if she's expecting you to kiss her afterwards and you refuse then you are potentially making her feel dirty for going down on you. If you are that worried about the taste of your own cock then do try to spare a thought for your partner on the end of it. And once you’ve done that go get back in the shower and don't forget to take the soap with you.
  • When you do get some don’t shove your partners head back and forth whilst gripping onto her hair or ears, just let her go at her own pace. But hopefully I didn’t need to tell you that.
And now for some do’s…
  • You’ll more than likely need to have clocked up some favours that you can then cash in for some blowjob action. Obviously the transactions not going to be that simple, but hopefully you get the drift. What I'm talking about here is that you should be doing all of the good things that "The Get More Sex, Get Better Sex Course" suggests that you should be doing, and you shouldn’t be doing all of the things that it suggests you shouldn’t. There's a summary of the course that will point you in the right direction of the do's and don't here, as well as on our You Tube channel [this will be live late week commencing the 4th June]. Oh yes and you'd be wise to be pleasing your partner sexually as well.
  • Do give your partner feedback when you get some, make some noise man! Show her that what she is doing is working for you, that she is satisfying you. This is essentially all that’s in it for her, so give her some of what she’ll want from putting in all of that hard work for your benefit. Keep her inspired to keep up the good work.
  • If you want some oral sex then let it be known that it’s very likely that she’ll expect some back from you as well. So don’t be afraid to deliver on that front, because if you are expecting some from her, and you’re not giving back to her in return, then you are pretty unlikely to be going to get some anytime soon. "The Get More Sex, Get Better Sex Course" includes an entire appendix on becoming an oral sex god, and it's what I call "Blokerized" - it makes quite a tricky thing to do well nice and straightforward (though it will require you to put some effort in!).
  • You will at the very least need to get her going first (that’s get her going in the foreplay sense though), then once she’s turned on and in a good place she’ll be way more likely to want to give you some. Having said that its worth knowing that if she’s reached the point of climax then you are pretty unlikely to be getting some immediately afterwards!
  • It’s going to be a sensible thing to do to discuss boundaries with your partner outside of the bedroom first, ie your partner might not actually be willing to give you oral sex. Knowing that she is, or isn’t first, would prevent you from asking her to do something that she really wasn’t at all keen to do, for example. If you aren’t keen to ask directly then a great way to do this is to take a ‘quiz’ together. It's a great way to explore what you both want and like and what the limits are slowly and gently in a non-pressured environment. There's a quiz in the "Talking about sex with your partner" appendix in the main course.
  • You may find that talking with your partner about what you’d like to try when you are outside of the bedroom works better because of the lack of immediate pressure to then immediately try the thing out. Talking about sex with your partner outside of the bedroom also has the added benefit of getting her excited enough to want to go into the bedroom!

How to ask for it...
  • Assuming things are in a good place with you both; you’re both butt naked in the heat of the moment, you've turned her on and possibly gone down on her - then bear the following in mind when making your request…
  • Firstly – don’t be afraid to ask, there's nothing to be ashamed of – just as long as you don’t make her feel that your entire happiness is dependent on her going down on you!
  • Submit your request to her with grace, and do it gently and lightly - but also with confidence, for example you could say “I’d like us to be more adventurous in bed and I love it when you go down on me and I wondered if we could try adding some oral sex into our lovemaking” or “the sex that we have is wonderful, I love it, especially the connection that it brings between us, but I wonder if we could make it even better?”, then “I'm just wondering whether we could try adding some oral sex".
  • If there’s hesitation then let your partner know that it is of course perfectly okay to have a think about it for a while and to let you know when she's ready - don’t put pressure on her.
  • And if all of that has gone really well and she seems receptive then suggest to her that you'd like her to go down on you when you are both at the height of passion “I'd love it if you'd go down on me”, “I've been thinking about it and I know it would drive me really crazy”, then if she still seems okay with it take the lead, help her out, get yourself into a position where she can easily and comfortably perform oral sex on you.

What to do if she’s not doing it right?
  • Just be direct, tell her (in a nice way) what you like her doing when she’s going down on you.
  • Either during her giving you a blowjob or afterwards you could say stuff like, “I love it when you…” (then adding what it is that you like!) or “…feels so good” to point her in the right direction.
  • Praise the good stuff, ignore the not so good - if she’s pleasuring you and you're loving it then let her know that you're loving the technique she's using, either with the noises you make or the words you use to praise. If she's doing something that isn’t really working for you then don't make those same noises. That way she will be more inclined to keep doing the good stuff that you do like.

And what if none of this works?
  • Have you really, really tried? Be honest with yourself. Check your cleanliness. Are you going down on your partner enough? How is your relationship generally? If she's holding anger or resentment towards you the last thing she'll consider doing is going down on you.
  • And if you’ve exhausted all of those then you’ve just got to talk with your partner about your oral sex needs, but do so when you are outside of the bedroom, not when you are in bed in the heat of passion. In The Get More Sex, Get Better Sex Course there is an entire appendix on talking about sex with your partner that may well be of use in this situation. Do just make sure that you’ve put in the effort to have a good, non-accusatory, conversation with your partner about it, ie one that won’t make things worse.Going live on The Get More Sex, Get Better Sex website in a few weeks...
Thanks for reading - and please do comment if you'd like to feed back on this post, your thoughts are always appreciated.

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